You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
