none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
