I need help removing her.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
