Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
