marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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