dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.