Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me