I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
