If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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