Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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