Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
