I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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