would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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