Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
