I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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