You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
