p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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