we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
