So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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