The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
