Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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