Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
