"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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