My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
