Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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