There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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