I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
