So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
