she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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