Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
