the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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