You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
