i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
