My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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