It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
