I didn't shave. On purpose
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
