Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
