We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
