Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Pooping to opera.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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