tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
