bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
