Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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