I could make wine with my vomit
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
