Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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