what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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