Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
