You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
