I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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