atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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