i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
