I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
