can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
