Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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