his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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