And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
