I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
