no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
