you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
