I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize