I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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