Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
