So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
