Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
