im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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