my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize