.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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