escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??