I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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